A Very Castle Christmas
by AlwaysKate11
Summary: Kate and Castle share their first Christmas together. It may not go quite as planned. Some of this is more "fluff" and some is more drama. I rated it "M" to be on the safe side :) I do not own, or claim to own, any of the Castle characters or storyline.
1. Chapter 1

**A Very Castle Christmas**

**Chapter One**

Kate sits quietly at the table, an amused smile playing on her lips, thinking that Thanksgiving at the Castle home was an experience she would not soon forget. Martha and Alexis are both talking loudly at the same time, while Castle's head swivels silently back and forth to each of them like a spectator at a tennis match. He makes no attempt to add anything to the conversation, having learned early, Kate suspects, that to do so is futile. The sparkle in his eyes tells her that he doesn't mind and in fact seems to revel in the lively exchange between his mother and daughter.

The table is covered with the remains of the traditional Thanksgiving favorites, including one of Martha's 'specialty' dishes. Despite previously warnings about Martha's culinary shortcomings, Kate had scooped a hearty helping onto her plate when she saw Alexis and Castle do the same. It was the only food remaining. She figures that if they deem it edible, she should be fine. Besides, as a guest, she certainly doesn't wish to hurt Martha's feelings.

She prepares to take a bite but freezes as out of the corner of her eye she catches Castle and Alexis sharing a knowing glance before surreptitiously sliding the entire portion off of their plates. With a practiced flip of the wrist, it disappears into the folds of the cloth napkins waiting on their laps. They never even look down which tells her that this was a move they have perfected, obviously one used countless times in the past. Martha, already on her third glass of wine, is so engrossed in sharing the details of her latest acting audition, her arms flailing dramatically, that she doesn't take notice.

Raising one eyebrow in mock disapproval, Kate bravely picks her spoon back up and takes a small, tentative bite. She immediately dives for her wineglass, almost knocking it over in her haste, and takes a large gulp, desperate to erase the offending taste from her mouth.

"Are you alright, dear?" Martha asks, alarmed at Kate's sudden flurry of motion.

"I'm fine," she mumbles from behind her napkin, blatantly ignoring the muffled snickers of father and daughter as they look on in amusement. "Really. Dinner was delicious Martha. Thank you so much for having us."

"You are very welcome," she says, shooting Kate and her father, Jim, each a blinding smile. "It was our pleasure." After a brief pause, Martha rubs her hands together excitedly, "So, who's ready for dessert? I made pie!"

Not willing to brave another 'Martha Surprise', Kate pats her stomach. "I, for one, am stuffed. Honestly, I couldn't eat another bite."

Everyone else chimes in, emphatically agreeing that they too had no room left for dessert. At least not for _that_ dessert.

Martha's face fell in disappointment. "Oh. Okay. Well, maybe later-"

"Actually, we better get going, right dad?" Kate asks, as she stands up, shooting him a firm look.

"What? Oh. Yeah. Long ride ahead of me," Jim affirms.

The next few moments are full of cheerful commotion as goodbyes and hugs are generously passed around. Amidst the chaos, Kate finally finds herself in Castle's arms. She leans in close and gives him a quick kiss while enjoying the warm weight of his arm resting on her waist. The brief contact only serves as a reminder of how long it is been since they have been able to share more than a stolen kiss here and there. In actuality it's only been a little over a week. But in such a new relationship, that week seems to Kate like a lifetime. Between her father showing up for a weeklong visit, Alexis coming home for the week leading up to Thanksgiving and an unusually busy week in the homicide business, she and Castle haven't had a moment to themselves.

But her father was leaving that evening and Alexis would be heading back to the University on Sunday. And although she will miss her father, Kate is grateful that things will soon get back to normal.

She looks up to find Castle watching her closely and feels a familiar flutter in her belly at the barely masked hunger she sees in his eyes, telling her that his thoughts weren't far from her own. She almost jumps when his fingers inch up under the back of her sweater to brush against her bare skin, sending her heart into a full gallop.

"Kate? Are you coming?"

Castle drops his hand abruptly as they both whip their heads towards Alexis.

Alexis looks back at them innocently. "To help us decorate the tree Saturday. You're coming, right?"

"What? Oh, the tree. Oh, of course," Kate manages to sputter out, ducking her head in an attempt to hide the sudden heat that she feels rising in her cheeks. When she finally dares to look at Castle again, his eyes are brimming with amusement, aware of exactly what she had been thinking.

"Good night, Kate," he says before giving her one more quick kiss. "See you Saturday."


	2. Chapter 2

**A Very Castle Christmas**

**Chapter Two**

Castle watches as Kate takes the mug from him and gratefully wraps her slender fingers around the warm ceramic. She blows across the top of the dark brown liquid before taking a drink, closing her eyes in pure pleasure. He finds himself unable to take his eyes off of her. They had just returned from picking out the Christmas tree. The cold wind had left her cheeks a rosy pink and had pulled random strands of hair out of her thick braid. She looks younger, happier and more content than he can ever remember seeing her, and he feels, not for the first time, an almost overwhelming sense of awe that this amazing woman was a part of his life.

"Okay, Castle. You win," Kate says, pulling him from his thoughts. "This is undeniably the best hot chocolate I have ever tasted."

"I know, right," he says with a grin as he sinks down on the couch beside her. She snuggles into his side and he rubs his hand briskly up and down her arm to warm her. "Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"Ready for what?" she starts to ask, but is interrupted by the distinct sound of jingle bells emanating from the top of the stairs.

"Richard Castle," Martha calls out, her tone one of mock impatience. "What do you think you're doing, just sitting around down there? This house isn't going to decorate itself you know!"

Castle raises his eyebrows comically, a playful twinkle in his eyes as he whispers, "for a Castle Christmas, of course!" He hands her his mug and leaps up to help his mother with the large box she is carrying down the stairs. Alexis is following right behind her with another one.

"I'll get the music," Alexis says as she walks past, dropping the box on the couch next to Kate. A moment later a lively, and loud, rendition of "Deck the Halls" fills the room.

She watches as Castle opens the box and pulls out a handful of red and white material which she soon recognizes as a 'Santa' hat. "Here you go, Mother," he says, planting the hat on Martha's head. "And for you Alexis," he says as he pulls another hat out of the box, handing it to his daughter, before pulling yet another hat out and putting it on his own head.

Suddenly Kate has three sets of worried, blue eyes staring at her. Almost simultaneously, they all rip off their hats and offer them to her, even as she laughs and waves them off.

"It's fine, I don't need one," she assures them. "Really."

But it's too late. Before she can protest again, Martha has jammed her own hat down firmly on Kate's head. "Adorable. Isn't she adorable, Richard?"

"Yes, Mother," he responds obediently. He reaches over and adjusts the hat, pushing it back farther and flipping the dangling end over her shoulder before letting his hand settle lightly on the back of her neck. "Absolutely adorable," he repeats quietly, this time strictly for Kate's benefit. She smiles and their eyes catch and hold as the rest of the room seems to fade away. Suddenly it's as if they are the only two people there.

That is until Martha clears her throat, discreetly reminding them that they are not alone, and they reluctantly break their gaze.

"I'll, um, just go get the rest of the boxes," Castle says, pointing up the stairs.

"The rest of the boxes? You mean there's more?" Kate asks incredulously.

Alexis laughs as she pulls more items out of the box. "Oh, there's more. Boxes and boxes. The Castle Clan takes their Christmas decorating very seriously."

* * *

Alexis wasn't exaggerating. By the time the last strand of garland was finally hung, Kate's head was spinning. She sits on the couch looking around the loft in amazement. Not a space remained that wasn't filled with some sort of Christmas paraphernalia. With the house lights on it looks like a Christmas store exploded. With them off, it was glorious. Lights blink and glow, transforming the loft into a winter wonderland.

Kate snuggles back into the soft leather of the couch and tucks her legs underneath her. Participating in the decorating had been bittersweet for her. Inevitably, it made her think of her own Christmas traditions. Or more precisely, the lack of. In the first couple of years after her mother's death, she had tried to keep their family traditions alive, for her father's sake if not for hers. But it only seemed to make the holidays more difficult and her mother's absence more pronounced and she soon gave up. It had hit her particularly hard when Castle had pulled out the box of homemade Christmas ornaments that had been saved throughout Alexis' childhood. Her mother had always pulled out a similar box, filled with Kate's own childhood decorations. She wonders briefly where that box might be now and can't help but think of her own bare apartment that had never seen a Christmas tree, let alone wall to wall decorations.

She sits in the dark, the lights twinkling softly around her, and listens as Alexis and Martha talk quietly while Castle is in the kitchen cleaning up. Alexis is lamenting over what to get her father for a Christmas present. "I'm not a child anymore, Gram. It will be our first Christmas since I moved out. I want it to be just perfect." Kate and Martha share a brief amused smile at Alexis' rather dramatic tone.

A few minutes later, Castle comes to join them. He sits on the couch and laces his fingers loosely with hers. As she rests her head on his shoulder, Alexis' words float through her mind. Suddenly Kate has something new to worry about.


	3. Chapter 3

**A Very Castle Christmas**

**Chapter Three**

Castle steps off of the elevator Monday morning and walks over to Kate's desk, where she sits with her head bent over an open file. She looks up and smiles as she hears him approach. He hands her the coffee he brought her, letting his fingers slide against hers as she slowly takes it from him. This has become their new 'good morning' ritual. Sometimes he brings the coffee and sometimes she does, but they always take the opportunity to touch as the coffee changes hands. It's such a small gesture, a way to connect without being obvious to those around them, but it amazes him every time at the sensuality of that brief contact. It's no different today, and he feels a small zing of awareness as his skin touches hers.

She takes a drink, and his eyes drop to her mouth, staring as she slowly licks the foam off of her upper lip. He swallows hard and quickly raises his eyes to meet hers. He can tell that she is very aware of what that small movement did to him and he's tempted to drag her off to the nearest storage closest and kiss the sly smile off of her face. Instead, he sits down in the chair next to her desk. He reaches over, takes her hand and rubs his thumb slowly across the inside of her wrist.

"I've missed you," he says and grins when he feels her pulse jump in response.

She pulls her arm back and picks the file back up. "If you missed me so much," she says without looking up, "then maybe you should have come over last night. You did take Alexis back to school yesterday, didn't you?"

"I took Alexis back to school _last night _and it was late when I got back. And I would have come over, I wanted to, but I knew that you had to get up early today." He leans closer until his mouth is just an inch from her ear. "Trust me, Kate, if I would have come over last night, you wouldn't have gotten any sleep. I promise I'll make it up to you. Tonight. Forgive me?"

"Yo! Beckett," Esposito says as he walks up to the desk. "Uh, sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt," he says sheepishly when he sees the way they both move apart quickly. "But we might have just caught a break on the case. Ryan was able to hack into Thompson's work pc. Looks like our vic may not be quite as innocent as he first appeared."

He hands Kate a piece of paper with a name and address on it. "This guy's been emailing him for the past three months. Last one was two days ago. Asking Thompson to meet him at that address. Thompson never makes it." He pauses, looking at Castle then Kate. "You know, if you two are…busy… Ryan and I can go check it out?" He says it with a straight face, but can't quite keep the amusement out of his voice.

Kate shoots him a glare. "We're not busy. You two go and interview Thompson's co-workers. I doubt if he was working alone, so see if anyone stands out. Castle and I will head over to this address and see what we can find out. Call if you learn anything new." She stands up and grabs her leather jacket off of the back of her chair. Flinging it over her shoulder, she walks briskly towards the elevator. Castle stares after her, admiring the view of her backside swaying in time to the clicking of her heels on the worn tile of the precinct floor. He looks away only when Esposito grabs his arm. "You better watch yourself, Bro. If Gates saw what I just saw, no way is she gonna keep buying the whole 'just friends' thing."

"That obvious, huh?"

"Oh yeah," Esposito says, nodding his head.

"Castle! Let's go!" Kate is standing in the elevator, her hand braced against the side of the door to keep it open. Castle walks quickly to the elevator and steps in. He turns around and smiles at Esposito as the doors close softly.

The second the doors shut, Castle grabs her. Knowing he only has a minute before the elevator reaches the ground floor, he pulls her close and kisses her hard. His senses explode the minute he tastes her and he pulls away just a bit to let his tongue mimic her earlier move, trailing gently across her lip. He groans loudly when the elevator dings, warning him that their time is up and by the time the doors slide open, they are both standing innocently apart.

A quick look around tells him that they are alone and when they step off the elevator Castle wraps his arm around her waist and smiles as her hip bumps against his as they walk to the car. As soon as they are seated, he reaches for her hand, entwining her fingers with his as he rests them lightly on the console between their seats.

* * *

Several hours later, Kate arrives at home. It had been a frustrating day in many ways. They were no closer to solving the case than they had been that morning. Hopefully the autopsy would show something, anything, because at that point they had no more leads. No leads always kept Kate a little on edge. And Castle certainly hadn't helped. All day he had found little ways to touch her. It started with him whispering the promise to 'make it up to her', his mouth so close that she could feel his breath warm on her cheek. Then kissing her in the elevator, holding hands in the car, brushing up against her as he reached for the marker at the murder board, rubbing his leg against hers as they sat at her desk... At first it was sweet, then it was amusing. But as the day wore on she began to feel the strain of having him so close but not being able to do anything about it. And those looks he kept sending her when no one was looking! She could feel his hungry stare all the way to her toes. By the time her shift was over, she found that even meeting his eyes was almost too much. Just knowing that he was coming over that evening had left her a bundle of nerves and her body was literally tingling in anticipation.

She is in the bathroom getting ready to jump into the shower when there is a knock at the door. Not expecting Castle for at least an hour, she rushes over to the door. Whoever it is, she plans to get rid of them fast so she can finish getting ready. She opens the door and is almost knocked over as he comes barreling in. Kicking the door shut behind him, Castle grabs her face and leans in to kiss her. Before their lips meet though, she pulls out of his arms.

"Castle, what are you doing here? You're early."

He frowns at her almost angry tone. "I know. But I didn't want to wait. Why? Is it a problem?"

"No, it's not a problem exactly. It's just…" It's just that she wanted to get out of her work clothes and take a hot shower and put on the black lace cami she had laid out on the bed. She wanted to chill the wine and light the candles…

She reaches for him and kisses him softly. "No. Of course it's not a problem. But I do want to get a quick shower and change. Is that okay?" she asks as she is walking away, not giving him the chance to answer. She smiles to herself as she adds an extra sway in her hips as she walks away, knowing that he is watching. She is sure that he wouldn't mind at all if she skipped the shower and they went straight to the bed, and while a part of her- a big part actually- feels the same way, she really wants to make their night special.

She walks into the bathroom and turns on the water. As she goes to shut the door she sees Castle come in and sit down on the edge of her bed. Her mouth goes dry when he reaches over and slowly runs his open palm over the cami that is draped over her pillow. He looks up and meets her eyes. The look on his face almost makes her change her mind and she shuts the door quickly.

She steps out of her clothes and into the steamy shower. Her body is already aroused as she thinks about Castle waiting for her in the next room. She is just taking the shampoo off the shelf when she sees the shadow fall across the opaque shower door. Before she can react, it slides open and Castle steps in. He doesn't say a word, just takes the shampoo bottle out of her hand. Moving to stand behind her, he pours a generous amount in his hand and proceeds to rub it into her hair, working it into a thick lather before pushing her gently under the shower spray, allowing the water to wash the shampoo out of her hair. When the water runs clear, he reaches past her to retrieve the body wash and the large bath pouf hanging on the wall. Even over the sound of the rushing water she hears his sharp indrawn breath when his body brushes against her back. She closes her eyes as he slowly runs the pouf up one arm, across her shoulders and down the other. He runs it down her back, stopping just above her hips before slowly sliding it around to her belly. She holds her breath as his hand slides up her body dragging the rough fabric over her breasts, crying out when it brushes across her already aching nipples. He responds by slowly trailing the pouf back down her body. Her body tenses as his hands travel lower. When they meet the apex of her thighs, she grabs his wrists.

"Castle, wait," she says, afraid her body can't take much more. He ignores her breathy request, dropping the pouf before reaching between her legs with his hand. He slides one finger inside her and she explodes, collapsing back against him almost sobbing as the release rushes through her body. They stand there for several minutes, letting the water wash away the remaining body wash, while Kate fights to catch her breath.

Finally she turns in his arms and he lowers his mouth to hers, kissing her deeply. He pulls away and takes her hand, leading her out of the shower. Wrapping her in a large towel, he picks her up and carries her into the bedroom. Kate feels small and protected as she rests her head against his bare chest, a feeling that she is not used to, and one that is surprisingly pleasant. He pulls down the covers and lays her gently on the bed. Reverently he unfolds the towel, his eyes traveling slowly down the length of her body before lying down next to her. When his lips graze her neck, she is amazed to find body once again coming alive under his touch. She lets out a small moan of pleasure and pulls him on top of her. Their bodies merge urgently and both reach their climax almost immediately. Castle barely manages to drag the comforter over them before she falls into a deep sleep, snuggled tightly in his arms, a satisfied smile on her lips.


	4. Chapter 4

**A Very Castle Christmas**

**Chapter Four**

Kate keeps her eyes tightly shut as the morning sun slowly invades her bedroom, gradually dragging her from a deep sleep. She stretches, smiling when the slight movement results in Castle pulling her closer, mumbling a good morning into her hair. She turns over so that she is facing him, her breasts bumping deliciously against his bare chest. He brushes the hair out of her face as his sleepy blue eyes smile into hers.

"So tell me, Kate," Castle whispers, planting a soft kiss on her mouth. "Am I forgiven?"

"I don't know…" she responds teasingly, running her hand over his chest. "What else have you got?"

"Ooh, Detective Beckett, is that a challenge? You know, I do like a good challenge," he growls as he leans over and kisses her throat, eliciting a soft moan from Kate.

She searches for a snappy reply, but before she can think of one, her eye catches the clock on the bedside table.

"Oh no! Castle, it's after 8:00. I have to be to work in less than half an hour!" She leaps out of the bed and rushes into the bathroom. It takes her less than two minutes to brush her teeth and run a comb through her hair before pulling it back into a loose ponytail. She races past the bed, and quickly grabs the first outfit she comes across in her closet, throwing it on in record time.

She turns back right before leaving the room. The sight of Castle sitting in the middle of her rumpled bed, the sheet settled at his naked waist, has her strongly re-considering her rush into work. And when he runs his hand through his already tousled hair, she actually takes two steps back into the room. Before she can reach the bed, however, her phone vibrates in her pocket.

She pulls it out, looks at the screen and groans. "It's Espo. I gotta go." she says, the disappointment in her tone matching the expression on Castle's face. "I guess I'll see you at the station, in what? About an hour?"

"Actually, I'm not coming in this morning."

She is sliding on her coat, but pauses at his words. "Oh. Everything okay?"

"Yep. I just have a little Christmas shopping to do."

"Oh. Well why don't you wait until after work? We could go together. I need some ideas on what to get your mother."

"Sure, we can do that too. But," he says with a wink, "I have a very special present to pick up this morning."

* * *

"Hey, Lanie. Any more news on our vic?" Kate asks as she walks into the morgue a few hours later.

Lanie is sitting on a stool writing notes. A male body lies on the metal autopsy table nearby. "Nope," she answers without looking up. "Seems like a pretty straightforward gunshot wound to me. But I'll know more after I get the toxology report back." Slapping the pen down, she finally looks up.

She smiles at Kate, then looks around. "Where's Castle? Now that you two are dating, you've been joined at the hip even more than before. If that's possible."

"He, um, is out Christmas shopping. That's why I'm here actually."

"You're here because Castle's out Christmas shopping? Is that a problem?"

"Yes, it's a problem! He's out buying my Christmas present."

"You're going to have to help me out here, because I still don't see the problem."

"The problem is, I have no idea what to get him. We are obviously exchanging presents this year. It's just…I know it sounds silly, but this is our first Christmas together and I want to get him a gift that represents where we are in our relationship. I don't want to get him something that's too casual."

"Well, I see your-"

"Then again," Kate continues, as she starts to pace restlessly, "I don't want to get anything too serious."

"True, that would-"

"That could make him uncomfortable. I mean, what if I get him a serious gift, and he gives me a casual one? Then he'll feel bad. Or what if I get him a casual gift, and he gets me a serious one? Then he will think I'm not as committed to this relationship as he is. And what if-"

"Kate. Kate!" Lanie yells when she doesn't respond the first time. "Stop talking. And please stop that pacing around. You're making me dizzy. That's better," she says when Kate stops in her tracks.

"Sorry. I know. I'm making too much of this, aren't I?"

Lanie gives her a serious look. "No, you're right. This is your first Christmas together. The wrong gift could ruin everything." Lanie fights back a smile at the look of panic that she sees in her friends eye's as her words sink in. "What you need to do is to find out what kind of gift Castle is getting you. Then you will know what type of gift to get him. Simple."

"No, it's not simple. How exactly am I supposed to do that?"

"You know what I'd do? I'd give it a couple of days, then figure out where he put your present. Check it out, put it back. He'll never know and you will know exactly what type of gift to get him. See? Simple."

Kate looks at her friend incredulously. "That's your advice? To go snooping through his place searching for my present?"

"Do you have a better idea?"

Did she have a better idea? No. But she would think of one, because there was absolutely no way she was going to go snooping through Castle's loft looking for her Christmas present!


	5. Chapter 5

**A Very Castle Christmas**

**Chapter Five**

Later that afternoon, Castle finds himself whistling as he walks the short distance from his car to the 12th. He always loved the Christmas season, but this year it was even more special since it would be the first one that he would be spending with Kate as a couple. And the icing on the proverbial cake was that he had just bought her the perfect gift. He was almost giddy with the idea of giving it to her and although Christmas was right around the corner, he had a feeling that he was going to have a hard time waiting. He steps onto the elevator, tapping his foot impatiently at the short ride up, and exits so quickly that he almost collides with the two officers waiting to enter. He throws an apology over his shoulder as he strides over to where Kate is sitting, throwing himself into the chair so abruptly that it bangs loudly against her desk.

"Hey Castle, you're back."

"Yep. And I got you something," he says, dropping a large gift bag on her desk. She looks at it suspiciously as she reaches in and slowly pulls back several layers of tissue paper. She gives him an incredulous look before pulling out the handful of fabric.

"You got me… a Santa hat?"

"Yeah. I figured you would need one. You know, for Christmas Eve."

"For Christmas Eve?"

"Of course. We always wear our hats when we exchange presents on Christmas Eve."

"You wear your Santa hats to exchange presents? Really?"

He grins at the look on her face as she clearly was trying to decide if he were serious.

"Yes," he assured her. "Really. We put on our Santa hats, pop popcorn, watch Miracle on 34th Street, pig out on homemade sugar cookies and then exchange Christmas presents. It's something we've done ever since Alexis was a little girl. And I figure, since you're joining us for Christmas Eve, you should have a hat."

"Um, thanks Castle. That's… sweet." She rubs her fingers over the soft fur of the hat. "So, speaking of exchanging presents…"

"Yes?" he asks when she lets her sentence hang.

"Well, you know, it's the first time we've exchanged gifts. I was just wondering…"

"Wondering what?" he asks.

"Wondering if, um, if we are still going shopping tonight. I still need to get something for Alexis and your mother."

Something in her tone makes him think that she had more to say, but when she didn't, he let it go. "Sure. I love Christmas shopping. In fact, tomorrow night I'm going to drive down and take Alexis out for dinner and help her finish her shopping. Want to join us?"

* * *

Kate knocks on Castle's door and waits, even though she knows he isn't home. During the last two days, almost everything out of Castle's mouth was somehow related to Christmas. He had bought several gifts while they were out shopping yesterday and had dropped several hints about how excited he was about the present he had bought for her. He told her it was "the perfect gift." Which told her exactly nothing. When it came to Castle, she knew that the perfect gift could be anything from fur-lined handcuffs to diamond earrings, and it made her even more anxious about what she was going to get for him. So she decided to turn down his offer to join him and Alexis. Instead she was going to talk to Martha. The idea had hit her late last night, and she couldn't believe she hadn't thought of it earlier.

She starts to knock again, when the door opens.

"Hi Martha. Can I come in?"

"Kate! Of course you can come in. But Richard's not here. He drove down to spend some time with Alexis. I thought he told you."

"He did. But I'm not here to see him. Actually, I was wondering if I could talk to you?"

"Me? Well of course," Martha said, opening the door wider. "I was just making myself some tea. Would you like some?"

"Tea sounds great, thank you."

Kate follows her over to the kitchen and sits down at the bar. She watches as Martha pours the hot water into two large cups and drops a teabag into each.

"So, tell me dear, to what do I owe the pleasure?" Martha asks as she slides one of the mugs in front of Kate.

"Well, you know, Castle invited me to spend Christmas Eve with you."

"Yes, he told me. And we are very happy to have you."

Kate begins nervously playing with her teabag, searching for the right way to ask. Finally she just blurts it out. "I was wondering…hoping actually, that you could give me a hint about what Castle got me for Christmas."

Martha takes a drink, her eyes serious over the rim of the mug. "I'm sorry, Kate, but I can't."

"Oh, come on Martha. Just a little hint?"

"I really can't. Honestly. The truth is, I have no idea what he got you. I just know that he said that he put a lot of thought into it and that he was excited to find just what he was looking for."

"That's it? He didn't tell you anything else?"

"Nope. Richard takes his gift-giving very seriously. So much so that he won't even tell me what he buys. As if I would tell anyone! Although, I do have to admit, there _may _have been a couple of times, a long time ago mind you, that I accidently told Alexis what he got her… but, enough about that." She reaches over and pats Kate's hand reassuringly. "Don't worry. I'm sure whatever you get Richard, he will love it. Because it's from you."

She smiles at Martha's words. "Thank you, Martha. I just wish I knew how serious-"

Before Kate could finish her sentence, Martha's phone rings and she jumps to her feet. "Oh dear. I'm late. I hate to run off, but I'm supposed to be meeting a gentlemen friend for dinner. That was my cab."

Kate can tell by the worried look in her eyes that Martha feels bad leaving her. She smiles and says, "I'm fine. You go and have fun."

"Well, if you're sure," she says, looking relieved as she gathers her coat and purse. "You know, Richard should be home before too long anyway. Why don't you stay and wait for him?"

Without waiting for an answer, Martha flurries out of the door, leaving Kate alone at the kitchen bar. She can't help but be disappointed that her conversation with Martha hadn't given her any new information. Not just because she was no closer to figuring out what to get him for Christmas, but because, darn it, she was a police detective! She should be able to figure this out.

She stands up and walks over to the couch with her tea and sits down to wait for Castle. Looking around she can't help but wonder if her present wasn't somewhere in the room, just waiting to be discovered. She remembers Lanie's crazy advice and finds herself tempted to follow it. '_Don't even think about it,__' _she tells herself, loudly. '_No way am you going to go snooping through this loft!"_


	6. Chapter 6

**A Very Castle Christmas**

**Chapter Six**

Twenty minutes later, Kate finds herself teetering precariously atop a chair in Castle's bedroom closet. _This is insane, _she tells herself. _I cannot believe I'm doing this. _Her stomach is in knots. Partly because she feels guilty snooping around his loft, but also because she is terrified of getting caught snooping around his loft. She had assured herself that she was only going to check around under the couch cushions. But when she found nothing, she decided to just check under the couch. Then one thing led to another, and soon the search had expanded until she had checked everywhere that she could think of including the hall closet, the desk in his office, in his dresser drawers and under his bed. Frustrated, she blows her hair out of her face. '_Okay,' _she says, speaking out loud to herself, '_this is it. If I don't find it in here, I'm done.'_

To steady herself, she tightly grabs the edge of the top shelf and pushes herself up on to her toes. It gives her just enough height to see into the shadowy depths. She scans the shelf, looking for anything that might be suspicious. While there are several boxes, none of them seem likely to be a present. They are all worn and look as if they haven't been touched in a long time. But then, just as she is ready to give up, a small white bag catches her eye. Resting in the far corner, she can barely make out the logo, but it is enough to see that is from an upscale department store on the East side. _Aha! _She thinks triumphantly, as she quickly reaches out and grabs the bag. "_You have got to be kidding me!" _she mutters when she finds the bag sealed shut. She peels away the seal with painstaking care, careful not to tear the bag. Finally the large, round sticker pulls free and she unfolds the top of the bag. Peeking inside, she spies a small, square box. Jewelry! She tips the bag, and the box tumbles out into her open palm. She hesitates, her hand hovering over the lid, as a sudden case of nerves hits her. Although she knows that no one is home, she still looks over her shoulder to make sure she is alone before slowly opening the box.

What she finds surprises her so much that she steps back without thinking, toppling off the chair and landing painfully on her backside. She sits there, stunned, for several seconds before scrambling to her knees. Crawling around the fallen chair, she snatches up the box from where it had landed after it had dropped from her falling hand. She finds herself focusing on her breathing, as it suddenly feels like there is not enough oxygen left in the room. Her hand is visibly shaking as she pulls the ring out of its slot where it was resting in the deep red velvet. White gold with a large diamond, it's clear that this is no ordinary ring.

Her discovery has her so shaken up, that she doesn't even hear Castle calling her name from the living room. When it finally registers, she almost drops the ring as she frantically shoves it back into the box. By the time he reaches the bedroom door, she is sitting on the edge of his bed, somehow having managed to return the bag to the shelf and get the chair put back in time.

She can't look at him, knowing that he will see the panic in her eyes. She mumbles some excuse about not feeling well and pushes past him, grabbing her coat out of his hand as she goes. She picks up her shoes, not even stopping to put them on as she practically runs to the door, ignoring him as he calls after her, concern heavy in his voice. She doesn't slow down until she reaches her car.

She fumbles with the key, having to make several attempts to unlock the car door before it finally opens. She gets in and sits there, gripping the wheel tightly as she takes several deep calming breaths then puts the car I gear and pulls away. After driving several blocks, she pushes the blue tooth button on her steering wheel and when the automated voice responds, she gives the command to call Lanie.


	7. Chapter 7

**A Very Castle Christmas**

**Chapter Seven**

"An engagement ring? Are you sure?" Lanie asks, her tone a mixture of excitement and disbelief.

"Of course I'm sure! I know what an engagement ring looks like," Kate snaps back, even as Lanie's question creates a moment of doubt. _Could I have made a mistake? _Kate wonders. But then she thinks back to the ring she had held in her hand and the wave of panic rolls over her again. There was no mistake. Rick Castle had bought her an engagement ring for Christmas.

"I just can't believe it," she said, as much to Lanie as to herself. "Why would he do something like this?"

"Gee, I don't know. Maybe because he wants to marry you?"

Kate blinks back tears that threaten at her friend's flippant tone. Normally Lanie's 'in your face honesty' is just what she needs to pull her back when she's losing it, but right now that's not what she needs.

Lanie's tone gentles, as if she can sense that she has upset Kate. "You know, the truth is, he loves you, girl."

"I know he loves me, but dammit Lanie, how can he do this to me? I mean, what was he thinking? He has to know this is way too soon. We've only been dating for what, a little over six months?"

"Oh, come on Kate, cut the guy some slack. You may have only been officially dating for a little over six months, but you've been doing this dance since the day you two met. He's known he loves you for a long time now. It just took you longer to get there, that's all. I mean, you do love him, don't you?"

"Listen, I gotta go. I just got home," she says as she pulls up to her apartment, using it as an excuse not to answer the question. "I'll call you later, okay?"

She walks into her apartment, and goes straight to her bedroom and the box that holds her mother's ring. She doesn't wear the necklace daily anymore, but has found herself wearing it more often the past couple of weeks as the holidays bring a familiar sadness. And tonight, more than ever, she really misses having her mom there to talk to. She drops the necklace around her neck and holds the ring gently in her hand.

"_Of course I love him," _she says quietly, her voice shaking as she says the words out loud for the first time. "_But marriage?" _Kate feels anger rising and tries to shove it away. That's not how she wants to react, not the person she wants to be anymore. But anger is something she is used to, and like a familiar drug, it fills her up, pushing away the pain and the panic that is threatening to take over.

"_How can he do this to me_?" she says, her voice loud in the empty room, as she squeezes the ring so tightly that she can feel the metal biting into the palm of her hand. "_He's ruining everything. Things are perfect just the way they are. I am exactly where I want to be, exactly where I want_ us_ to be. And now this.." _Her voice trails off as the tears finally fall, unchecked, down her face and the anger drains out of her as the reality of her situation takes over. Castle is going to ask her to marry him and she is too scared to say yes. But she also knows that saying no will break his heart.

She turns off the light and crawls into her bed, curling up into a tight ball. "_What am I going to do?" _she whispers in the dark before she cries herself to sleep, fully clothed, her mother's ring still resting in her closed fist.


	8. Chapter 8

Authors note: Thanks for all of the reviews I've received so far :) I appreciate the feedback.

**A Very Castle Christmas**

**Chapter Eight**

While Kate is in bed, trying to find sleep, Martha is just returning home from her date with her gentlemen friend, Charlie. She shivers as she walks in from the cold, grateful to find a fire roaring in the fireplace. She takes off her coat and puts water on to boil for tea before calling out to her son.

"Richard, I'm home."

"In here," he calls back from his office.

Martha walks over and leans against the doorjamb. "You're writing?"

"Yes, I'm writing. I am, after all, a writer," he says, without looking up from the keyboard.

"I thought maybe you had forgotten. After all, you don't do much writing these days." She looks around the office for the source of his usual distraction, but she isn't there. "Where's Kate?"

"She left a while ago. Said she wasn't feeling well."

"Really? That's strange. She seemed fine when I left."

But now that she thinks about it, Martha did remember that Kate had been acting a little odd when she spoke with her earlier. In fact, their conversation was unusually serious and she wishes now that she hadn't rushed off when she did. The last thing she can recall her saying was about needing to know how serious something was. The only thing she could think of that she would have been talking about was her relationship with Rick. But surely that couldn't be right.

"Richard, how are things going with you and Kate?"

"Things are good. Great actually. Why?"

"I don't know. Kate just seemed a bit off tonight. She seemed to be questioning the seriousness of your relationship."

That got Castle's attention and he stops typing to meet his mother's eyes across the room. "That's weird. Are you sure?"

"No. But I'm telling you, something was off. Although, I don't see how she can doubt how you feel about her. You practically wear your heart on your sleeve. And you've told her you love her, after all. You have told her, right? I mean, besides when she was dying, that is."

"Of course. Once. Well twice. It was when were fighting, but yeah, I told her."

Martha knew exactly the time he was talking about. It was right before Alexis' graduation. He had come back from Kate's that day broken hearted, thinking it was over between them. Needing to talk, he had told her all about the fight they'd had. "But you haven't told her since that day?"

"No. It hasn't come up. We don't really talk about our feelings. But then again, we don't have to. She knows how I feel."

"Are you sure about that? A woman needs to hear the words, Richard."

"You know what, Mother?" he says, after taking a moment to weigh her words carefully. "You're right. In fact, I'll talk to her tomorrow. Maybe ask her out on a date. You know, now that I think about it, we've never really done the whole dating thing."

She claps her hands in delight. "I think that is a wonderful idea! I'm sure Kate will love it."

* * *

The next day Castle finds himself once again waiting impatiently for the elevator doors to open, excited about the idea of asking Kate out on a date. He still doesn't think that his mother was reading Kate correctly. There was no way that she doesn't know how serious he is about her. But maybe she was right about one thing. Maybe she did need to hear the words. He had come to that conclusion when he had taken the time to examine his own feelings. He knows that Kate cares about him. In fact, he is fairly certain that she loves him. But deep down he aches to hear her say those three, powerful little words to him. To know for sure how she feels.

Finally the doors slide open and he steps out of the elevator. He frowns, spying her empty desk chair. He searches the room and breathes a sigh of relief when he finds her over by the murder board. He stands there for a minute, just watching her. She has her back to him, but he can imagine the grooves etched in her forehead that always appear when she is deep in thought. He knows exactly what she is going to do next, smiling when she reaches over and pulls the picture of the suspect off the board, looks at it for several seconds and puts it back.

As he slowly walks over to join her, he is amazed at how happy she makes him and he can't help but wonder how long they will have to be together before she won't take his breath away simply by being in the same room. Then she turns towards him and he hands her the coffee that he had brought her. And just that abruptly, everything changes. She takes the cup quickly not giving their fingers time to touch, robbing him of that brief contact. And although she smiles at him, it doesn't reach her eyes. Eyes that skitter away from his almost as soon as they meet.

He tells himself that he is sensing something that isn't there, that the conversation with his mother has clouded his judgment. But as the day goes on, he has no choice but to admit that his mother was right. There is definitely something off with Kate.


	9. Chapter 9

**A Very Castle Christmas**

**Chapter Nine**

"Get it together, Beckett," Kate says firmly, meeting her determined eyes in her reflection in the mirror. She has escaped to the bathroom, needing a minute to breathe and regroup while Castle is at her desk, waiting to talk to her.

He had cornered her earlier, asking her what was wrong. She had told him that she still wasn't feeling 100% and hadn't slept well. That last part wasn't a lie. She had slept horribly, waking up several times throughout the night. Unfortunately her day isn't going any better. She hates this; feeling on edge around Castle, avoiding his eyes so that he won't see the barely concealed panic, filling every spare minute with busywork. It's a feeling she remembers all too well. How she had felt so torn up inside. Wanting to be with Castle so badly that she couldn't think straight, but being afraid to act on it. She had hoped that all of that was behind her. It obviously wasn't. But this time was going to be different. This time, she was determined not to let it keep her from being with him. At least that is what she tells herself, and the brief pep talk works. She feels much more in control as she leaves the bathroom, walks over and joins him.

"So, what did you need to talk to me about, Castle?" she asks as she slides into her chair.

"Kate, would you go out with me? You know, on a date."

"A date?" she asks loudly. She lowers her voice as they glance around cautiously to make sure no one heard her impulsive outburst. She's confused by his question. "Castle, what are you talking about?"

"I'm asking you out on a date. You know, dinner. Dancing. It occurred to me that we've never really gone out for a date."

"What? Of course we have."

"No, actually we haven't. We kind of skipped the dating thing. I mean, we've had… 'sleepovers,'" he says as he leans in and lowers his voice even more. "And you've been to my place in the Hampton's, but we've never gone a real date."

Of course he's right, she realizes. They had gone out before as friends, but they had completely skipped the actual dating phase of their relationship. Normally, a date with Castle would sound great. But now, being with him makes her anxious, and her immediate impulse is to tell him no. Of course, avoiding him isn't going to make the situation go away, and she can tell how excited he is. So she pushes her fear aside and tells him that of course, she would love to go out with him.

* * *

"Castle, is that a…"

"Yep," he says as he steps passed her, "it's a Christmas tree." It's not very big, less than 3 feet tall, but he figures it's better than nothing. He carries it over to the corner of her living room and sets it down. He plugs in the lights that are already wrapped around the tree and they begin to blink cheerily in the semi-darkness.

"You got me a Christmas tree?"

"Well, you didn't have one, so I- Hey, are you okay?" he asks, alarmed when he sees that she appears to be blinking back tears.

"Yeah. I'm fine," she says as she smiles reassuringly. "Thank you, Castle."

"You're very welcome. Are you about ready? We have reservations at 7:00."

Thirty minutes later, they arrive at one of New York's more upscale restaurants. He had had to pull some major strings to get a reservation on such short notice, but decides that it was well worth it when he sees her eyes light up when they walk in.

As soon as they are seated, he reaches over and takes her hand. "Did I tell you how beautiful you look tonight, Ms. Beckett?"

She smiles and rubs her hand over his. "You clean up pretty good yourself, Mr. Castle. And this place is amazing!"

"I thought you'd like it. This is one of Alexis' favorite restaurants. She told me to tell you that you need to save room for dessert. The Tiramisu is to die for."

Remembering the ultimate purpose of their date, he laces his fingers with hers and says, "You know how much you mean to me, don't you Kate?" He is surprised when her smile disappears as she pulls her hand away. But then she casually picks up the menu, and he relaxes, choosing to ignore the faint unease he feels at her lack of response.

They discuss menu options for several minutes, until the waiter finally arrives and takes their order. When he leaves, Castle stands up and holds out his hand to her. "Dance with me?"

After an almost imperceptible pause, she takes his hand and he leads her to the dance floor, pulling her into his arms. He wasn't just being polite when he had told her that she looked beautiful earlier. Of course, she is one of those women who looks beautiful in plain jeans and a t-shirt. But tonight she looks truly stunning, her skin luminous against the silky black dress she is wearing. He is especially fond of the fact that it is essentially backless, and as they move slowly to the music, he rubs his hands in small circles on her bare back, pushing her body as close to his as he can, reveling in the feel of her in his arms. Halfway through the song, he pulls back, just enough so that he can see her face. Locking his eyes on hers, he whispers, "I love you, Kate."

* * *

Kate can see the confusion in his eyes as she stumbles, her body tensing in his arms. She forces a smile and attempts to relax, trying to hide how strongly his words have affected her. She can tell that she is unsuccessful as the confusion turns to concern, then hurt at her reaction to his words. She feels her chest tighten uncomfortably, and fears that she is about to go into a full blown panic attack. She excuses herself, leaving him standing in the middle of the dance floor, and walks quickly to the ladies room. Once there, she splashes cold water on her face as she tries to convince herself that she is going to be okay. But the fact of the matter is, she's not so sure. As she had feared, hearing him say 'I love you' touched that spot deep inside her that was still not quite ready to move forward, and once again she wishes that they could slow down and things could stay just the way they were until she was ready for more. And if that wasn't enough, she is acutely aware that she has just two days left to figure out what in the world she was going to say to him when she opens that box on Christmas Eve.

She stays in the bathroom for several minutes. When she finally feels like she can go back out and face him without making a fool of herself, she goes back to the table where Castle, and their dinner, is waiting.

The mood ruined, they both pick absently at their food, the silence broken only by polite small talk and she is relieved when dinner is finally over and they can leave. Unfortunately, the ride home is equally quiet and by the time they arrive at her apartment, she feels close to tears. She is working so hard at composing herself that it takes several seconds for her to realize that Castle is still standing in the hallway, outside of her open door.

She turns to him and she can see the hesitation in his eyes as he asks if he can come in. Her heart breaks at his words, saddened that he suddenly feels that he has to ask permission to come into her home. _He doesn't deserve this, _she thinks to herself. _He deserves a woman who can accept his love and give it freely. Not one that runs at the first sign of commitment. _

She reaches out and takes his hand, pulling him into the room. Without saying a word, she leads him into her bedroom. He stands in stunned silence as she reaches up and grabs his coat, sliding it off of his arms. When he starts to talk, she puts her hand on his mouth, preventing him from speaking. She might not be ready to say the words that he needs to hear. But maybe she can show him.


	10. Chapter 10

**A Very Castle Christmas**

**Chapter Ten**

Kate pulls her hand away, immediately replacing it with her mouth. She kisses him slowly, sucking on his lower lip, running her tongue against his soft flesh. While she continues to explore his mouth with hers, she reaches up and begins unbuttoning his shirt. When his shirt falls open, she runs her hand lightly up and down his sides, smiling when he moans into her mouth. Finally her lips leave his, and she leans over and places her open mouth on the side of his neck, then nibbles her way over his collar bone before traveling slowly down his chest. His body jerks when her teeth graze his nipple as her hands pull his belt free.

Her hands on the front of his pants push him into action, and he reaches behind her, feeling for the zipper. She grabs his wrists and pulls his hands away stepping back out of his reach. Without taking her eyes off of his, she reaches back and finishes the job he started. The zipper down, she only has to shrug her shoulders and her dress drops off, leaving her standing in the middle of the room wearing only a pair of lacy black panties. She forces herself to stand perfectly still as his eyes travel down her body. She feels her nipples swell and the muscles between her legs contract deliciously in response to his heated gaze.

She steps out of her dress, and once again reaches for his pants. His arousal is hard against her hand as she lowers the zipper, pushing his pants down past his hips, until they too are a puddle on the floor. She notices that he is clenching his hands tightly at his sides, and knows that it is taking all of his self-control not to touch her back. She takes one fist and brings it to her mouth, brushing her lips across the top of his knuckles before placing it on her breast.

That's all the encouragement he needs. He pushes her back against the wall, pinning her there with his body. He kisses her roughly, and she cries out as his fingers rake across her nipples. He leaves her mouth to pull one of those swollen nipples into his mouth, sucking hard, as his fingers slide slowly down her body. He touches her briefly between her legs, rubbing her gently through the lace, before he reaches behind her. He grabs her bottom with his open palms, rocking his pelvis rhythmically against hers. It feels so good, and she responds by digging her nails lightly into his back, before sliding her hands down the back of his boxers, her hands lingering on his firm butt before pushing them down his legs.

He steps back, now gloriously naked and pulls teasingly on the waistband of her panties. She smiles and hooks her thumbs through the waistband. She watches his eyes cloud over as she wiggles her hips, letting the panties slide slowly down her legs until she is as naked as he is.

She walks over to the bed, not bothering to look back, sure that he is following her. As soon as he lay down next to her, she leans over him. Her hands and mouth wander over his body, touching and tasting him everywhere, quickly bringing him to the brink of release. She stops for just a moment, waiting until he is looking deeply into her eyes before finally guiding him into her. And as they move frantically against each other, she never breaks eye contact, hoping that he can see the love in her eyes that she is so desperate to show him.

Afterwards they lay in the dark, their bodies still intimately intertwined since neither of them are willing to move away. She can feel his heart rate slowly return to normal as her head rests on his chest, his hand running lazily through her hair. She is still awake when his hand finally falls away, and his breathing becomes even and deep.

When she is sure that he is fast asleep, she reaches up, her fingers tracing his cheek, the line of his jaw, rubbing her thumb across his lower lip, almost as if she is trying to memorize every detail of his face. "I love you, Castle," she whispers softly in the dark, uttering the words to him as he sleeps that she just can't let herself say to him when he is awake.


	11. Chapter 11

**A Very Merry Christmas**

**Chapter Eleven**

"So, I take it that your date with Kate went well," Martha asks the following evening. They haven't had a chance to talk about the date until now. He had picked Alexis up from school the following morning, and they had been busy reconnecting. But now Alexis had left for the afternoon to visit old High School friends, leaving him and his mother to finish the last minute preparations for this evening.

"I don't know. I guess."

"You guess? Why, what happened?"

"Well, you were right. She was acting off all day at work. And to be honest, dinner was pretty much a disaster. I don't know what was going on with Kate, but I don't think it had anything to do with worrying about how serious things are with us. In fact, telling her that I love her seemed to have opposite effect. She shut down right in front of me. Of course she tried to hide it, but I could tell. You know, it's hard to explain, but sometimes I think that everything with Kate has been just too easy. I know what you're thinking," he says when his mother looks at him incredulously. "And don't get me wrong, getting here was far from easy. But from the minute she showed up at my door that night, everything has been just too easy. She jumped right in to our relationship, no more reservations. All of the barriers were just…gone."

"Except," she says, "admitting that she loves you. Or, apparently, acknowledging that you love her."

"Yeah. Except that. But of course that's a pretty big exception." He runs his hand through his hair, his eyes serious. "I have to tell you, it scared the hell out of me. When she started to pull away from me like that, the way she used to, all I could think about was that everything that we had together was falling apart. But then.."

"Then?"

_Then what? _he thinks to himself. _Then she did a 180 degree turn around and they ended up having a night of amazing sex? No, not sex, _he corrects himself._ They had made love. It was different from any other time that he and Kate had been together. He had sensed something in her. A certain urgency that he just couldn't put into words. He wasn't complaining. He had enjoyed himself immensely and hoped for more of the same. But at the same time, not knowing what Kate was thinking made him nervous and suddenly he couldn't wait for her to get there so that he can assure himself that they really are okay._

"Richard?" Martha calls loudly, her voice pulling him from abruptly from his thoughts. "And then what?"

He chooses words carefully. He has a very open relationship with his mother, and sex was not a taboo subject in their family. But that certainly didn't mean that he wanted to share intimate details with her.

"And then, when we got to her place, she… well let's just say that she stopped pulling away."

"Ahhhh," she says, nodding knowingly. "Well now, I guess I can see why you'd be confused. Kate's a complex woman."

"Ya think," he snorts sarcastically.

"Kate's a complex woman," she repeats, ignoring his outburst. "And I hate to tell you this, kiddo, but I doubt if this is the last time she does something that leaves you scratching your head. I hate to ask, but are still sure that this is the life you want?"

He doesn't even have to think about it. He's sure his mother is right. Life with Kate will not always be easy; of course he knew that the moment he met her. But he is sure that he would rather have Kate, with all of her baggage, than anyone else.

* * *

Kate looks at her watch, and decides that she can't wait any longer. She has been sitting in the dark for the past hour, just staring at the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree. Leave it to Castle to bring her a tree. First he pushed himself into her job, then into her life. Now he's pushing Christmas into her home. She should be angry with him. She tried to be. But she couldn't find it in her heart to be mad. How could she, when all he wanted was for her to enjoy Christmas as much as he did? For caring so much about her? In fact, it made her even more determined to find a way to turn down his proposal without hurting him.

It took a long time, but she had finally come up with the perfect words to say when she opened the ring. Words that she knew that it would still hurt him. But Castle was…Castle. And in the end, he would understand and would find a way to be okay with it until, and if, she was ready to move forward.

Knowing that she can't put off the inevitable any longer, she grabs the large gift bag containing his present off of the floor. It is so heavy that she worries the bag will rip, so she scoops it up into her arms. She still can't believe how lucky she was to get it on such short notice. Ironically, she had found the engagement ring in an attempt to know what to buy for him, but in all of her panic, she had completely forgotten about finding a gift. At the last minute she was able to call in a huge favor and was able to get her hands on the newest, state of the art, virtual reality training system for New York detectives. It wasn't a ring, but she knew how much he loved his gadgets, so she thought that he would be excited about getting one for Christmas.

She pockets her keys and runs out of the door, but before it can shut behind her, she swings it back open and picks up the Santa hat Castle had given her. Obviously it means a lot to him that she wear it. Besides, the least she can do is wear the hat while she tells him that she just isn't ready for marriage.


	12. Chapter 12

**A Very Castle Christmas**

**Chapter Twelve**

The moment Kate has been dreading since the minute she found the ring in his closet has arrived. Dinner was over, and she is sitting around the Christmas tree, feeling too nervous to even care about the ridiculous hat perched on her head. Although probably not her best idea, she has already consumed several cups of Martha's home-made eggnog, and is feeling just a little bit fuzzy. While everyone opens their gifts to each other, she is practicing in her head exactly what she is going to say. '_I love it! It's beautiful! But I just don't know if I'm ready. I'm not saying no, but I need some time to think.'_

Finally everyone has exchanged gifts. Everyone except her and Castle. She watches as he excitedly tears open the gift that she brought him, his huge smile telling her how much he likes it. But getting him the perfect gift suddenly doesn't matter so much, because now it's her turn, and she is so nervous that her stomach is twisted so tightly that she is almost doubled over.

He pulls out two small boxes from under the tree, smiling excitedly. "I got you two presents. Here, open this one first." The box he hands her is a rectangle. Not a ring. Her stomach relaxes just a bit at the short reprieve. She opens the lid and finds a tennis bracelet tucked inside. She pulls it out, to look at it more closely.

"Oh, Castle. It's beautiful," she whispers honestly. It has a thin band, but one section is wider, and tears spring to her eyes when she sees the inscription. She runs her fingers lightly over the raised letters etched in the gold: "**Always." **She wipes her eyes with the thumb of one hand while he fastens the bracelet around the wrist of the other.

"Okay. Last one." He hands her the small square box. She can't open it. She just sits there, the box resting in her open hand until finally he takes it back and opens it for her.

She stares at the white gold nestled in the box, then slowly reaches over and takes the box in one hand, grabbing the gold with the other. She pulls gently and the chain unravels. The lights from the tree bounce off of the shiny metal, shooting splinters of light around the room.

It takes her mind several seconds to comprehend the fact that there was no ring. "Um. Thank you, Castle."

"It's for your mother's ring, Kate. I noticed that some of the links on yours are coming apart, so I got you a new one." He slides the necklace over her head, undoes the clasp and slides the ring off into his hand. He slides it onto the new chain. "May I?"

"Of course," she mumbles turning slightly from him and gathering up her hair in one hand so that he can latch the new necklace around her neck. She lifts it up and looks at it. "It's beautiful. Really. Thank you, Castle, it was very thoughtful."

And it was. Buying her a necklace for her mother's ring was very thoughtful. And it was beautiful. Slowly it dawns her that the moment that she had been dreading is not going to materialize. There is no ring. No proposal. Then why does she feel like she has just been punched in the gut? She should feel relieved, but instead she feels like she is going to burst into tears.

Castle doesn't notice her distress, and soon he is laughing at some story Alexis is telling him about one of her professors. She takes that opportunity to try and slip away.

"Hey, where are you going?" Castle calls out before she can get very far. "We're just getting ready to sing some Christmas carols."

She put her hand on her forehead, which is suddenly pounding. "I'm sorry Castle. I have a horrible headache. I think I'm going to head home." Castle leaps up and goes to her, concerned.

"Kate, it's late. And you really shouldn't be driving," he says, motioning to the half empty cup of eggnog still in her hand. Why don't you stay here tonight?"

She just wants to go home. To get away and try and sort out her conflicted feelings. But Castle's right, she has had too much to drink, and knows he isn't going to let her leave. Assuring him that she is fine, he stays with his family to sing Christmas carols while she puts herself to bed in his room.

He comes in later and she listens to the comforting sounds of him getting ready for bed. The unzipping of his pants, the thump of his clothes landing on the wooden chair, then water running as he brushes his teeth. She squeezes her eyes shut and forces her body to relax, her breath even so he will think she is asleep. He slips into the bed and immediately pulls her tightly against him, her back now against his chest, as his hand rests on her belly. She lies quietly in his arms, comforted by his embrace. He kisses the side of her neck gently.

"So, are you going to tell me what's going on?"

She toys briefly with pretending to still be asleep, but knows it's futile. Castle knows her too well. Besides, she's tired of running away; Letting the panic take over. So instead she brings her hand up to his, lacing their fingers tightly together.

"I'm sorry," she says quietly.

"Sorry? For what?"

She struggles to put her feelings into words. She's not very good at it. "I've had a lot on my mind lately and instead of talking to you about it; I guess I've kind of pushed you away."

"I know. I could tell something was going on with you. I wanted to help, but everything I did seemed wrong. Is it me?"

She turns in his arms, burying her face in his neck. "I miss my mom," she says, her throat hurting with suppressed tears. It was true, she missed her so much. She always misses her more during the holidays, but of course it was more than that. She needed her mom to talk to about Castle.

He pulls her tightly against him. "I know. It's going to be okay," he says quietly, rubbing her back gently. His offer of comfort pushes her over the edge, and she can't contain her tears any longer, letting them fall.

* * *

Although he has had a lot of experience with crying women, for some reason having Kate crying in his arms is heartbreaking and he actually feels his own eyes tear up in response. Especially since he thinks he knows what upset her so badly.

"The necklace bothered you didn't it? Was the chain hers too?" He hadn't thought of that. Maybe he was replacing something else that was important to her. "I can take it back."

"No," she says, lifting her head up to look at him. "I love the necklace. It's perfect." He watches as she twines the gold strand around her hand. "It's just…"

"It's just what? Tell me."

"It just took me by surprise. I thought it was going to be something else."

"What?"

She buries her head in his chest again.

"I thought it was going to be a ring."

_A ring? _"Did you want it to be a ring?" he asks, holding his breath while he waits for her to answer.

"What?" she says as her head snaps back up to look at him. "No of course not. I was terrified that it would be the ring."

He eyes narrowed. "The ring?"

"What?"

"You said _the_ ring. Not _a_ ring."

Even in the faint light he can see her face turn red. "I, um, might have done some snooping around trying to find out what you got me for Christmas. So I would know what to get for you."

"And you found the ring." He remembers that day. She had been in his room when he got home from shopping with Alexis, and she ran off without talking to him, claiming to be sick.

"You found the ring and figured I was going to propose. And you panicked. So all this time you've been worried that I was going to propose to you?"

She nods, her hair tickling his chest, and he kisses the top of her head. _But wait, that doesn't make sense_.

"Then why were you upset when you opened the necklace? I would think you'd be relieved."

"I thought so too. I have been so worried about it. That I would say the wrong thing and to hurt you. But when it wasn't a ring…"

"_The_ ring."

"_The_ ring. I don't know, I guess in a way I was disappointed."

He finds himself holding his breath again. "Really?"

She is quiet for so long that he wonders if she has fallen asleep. But finally she speaks. "Castle, it scares me to death. Things are good and I'm happy. Really happy. I don't want to lose that. What if get married and it ruins what we have?"

He holds up their linked hands, "Do you remember when we talked about marriage, years ago when I started shadowing you? You told me then that you were a One and Done type girl. I knew that while we were just friends." He kisses her hand. "I knew that when I fell in love with you." He kisses the inside of her elbow. "I knew it when I bought you that ring." He kisses her shoulder. "I know, Kate. I know that this is huge. I didn't buy that ring for Christmas I bought it months ago. I just saw it one day and knew I wanted it for you. Then after I bought it my stomach was in knots for days and I had to bury it to keep from looking at it because I was so afraid that I was going to screw this up."

He took her chin in his hand, making sure she didn't look away. What he had to say was too important. "Kate, I wouldn't get into a relationship with a One and Done girl if I didn't want more than anything to be her One and Done guy.

He gets up, goes to the closet and takes down the ring. He sits on the bed and says, "Give me your hand." He sees the fear in her eyes, and when she inches her hand to his, he can visibly see her shaking. He takes her hand in his and turns it over. He places the ring in the palm of her hand and gently closes her fingers over it, until it is completely inside her fist.

"I already know what I want, Kate. If it takes you a day, a year, ten years, to be ready, then that's okay. The ring is yours. I'm yours." He lies back down and pulls the cover up over them, snuggling her back into his arms before whispering, "Goodnight, Kate. I love you."


	13. Chapter 13

**A Very Castle Christmas**

**Chapter Thirteen**

Castle turns over, instinctively reaching for her in his sleep. When his arm finds nothing but air, he is instantly awake. The sun is shining brightly through the window. And Kate is gone. Their conversation from the night before plays through his mind. He had hated seeing her so upset, and had done his best to tell her what he thought she needed to hear, but now he wonders if he didn't push too hard. If hearing that he loved her made her run away, what made him think that she would be okay with hearing that he wanted to be her One and Done? Obviously he had scared her away.

Needing to talk to her, he grabs his phone of the bedside table, scrolls down his contact list and taps her name. Instantly her face appears on the screen as the phone dials her number. He almost drops the phone when he hears her ringtone clearly from across the room. He slowly turns towards the sound, and finds her standing in the doorway to his room.

"Geez, Castle, it's about time you decided to wake up. Alexis is waiting for her 'Christmas Breakfast.' "

"You're still here," he says, his relief evident in his voice.

She smiles, and his heart melts. "Of course I'm still here." She walks over to his bed and sits down. "Here. I brought you coffee." He reaches out to take the steaming mug from her. She releases it slowly, letting her fingers slide against his, and he can breathe again, knowing that everything is going to be okay.

Then, just before the mug changes hands, he freezes. His eyes widen as she stares back at him, biting her lower lip nervously. He slides his hand back around hers, just to be sure, and again his fingers brush against the cold metal. He is afraid to even look, worried that his mind is playing tricks on him. Finally he drags his eyes from hers and looks down to where their fingers meet. His heart slams into his throat when he sees it, the diamond sparkling brightly in the morning light. The diamond that now sits on her left ring finger.

She takes the coffee cup out of his hand and sets it on the table as she leans over and kisses him, her mouth soft and warm on his. "Merry Christmas, Castle."

He pulls away, and looks into her eyes, needing reassurance that all of this is real. Satisfied with what he sees, he smiles, and kisses her firmly. "Merry Christmas, Kate."

"So is this what it's going be like around here from now on," Alexis says from the doorway, her eyes sparkling with humor.

"Now, now. Come on, darling," Martha says, as she pulls Alexis out of the doorway. "Let's give these two their space."

The last thing Castle sees as the door closes are his daughter's pleading eyes as he hears Martha tell his daughter that since he is busy, she will be glad to make the special Christmas Breakfast this year.

Before he can choose between rescuing his daughter or falling back into bed with Kate, she makes the decision for him, leaping out of bed, and heading towards the kitchen and his family. Their family. She looks back through the open door and winks. "You coming, Castle?"

_**The End**_


End file.
